Become a Certified Assclown Elevator Technician
Join the elite ranks of professionals who have completed our rigorous 69-minute certification program. Over 404 graduates and counting!
📚 CLOWN COLLEGE ONLINE - "Where Dreams Go Sideways" - Apply Now! 📚
Four comprehensive modules designed by Inspector Rick and the Raccoon Council
Master the art of elevator lubrication with our proprietary ClownGrease™ formula. Learn proper application techniques, understand viscosity requirements, and discover why more grease is always better.
Essential training for dealing with haunted elevators. Includes séance techniques, ghost negotiation, and how to interpret cryptic messages from deceased inspectors.
Learn to coexist with your overhead panel tenants. Topics include feeding schedules, union negotiations, and crisis de-escalation when they form their own governance.
Advanced techniques for creative compliance. Includes paperwork optimization, inspector distraction methods, and the art of the perfectly-timed equipment malfunction.
Test your knowledge! This is from Module 1: Clown Grease Fundamentals.
"Since getting certified, I've been promoted twice. The sideways motion training alone was worth the price."
Class of 2023
"The raccoon relations module saved my career. I now have 8 co-workers in my overhead panel."
Class of 2022
"I've been dead for decades but this certification still looks great on my spectral LinkedIn."
Posthumous Graduate